By: Becca Martin
1. Deciding your worth based on your social media ‘likes.’ It’s okay if you didn’t break 100 likes. I promise. No one is actually checking anyway and if someone is then they’ve got their own issues to deal with. Double or triple digit ‘likes’ do not make you enough.
2. Constantly comparing yourself to your friends. It’s not a competition to see who can get the best job the fastest or who can move out of their parents house and make it the longest without coming home. It’s not a competition or a race because sometimes the best things take time. It’s very unlikely for you to just wind up at your dream job right off the graduation stage. You might not be ready just yet and that’s okay. Just keep working towards what you want and hangout with people who help push you to get there.
3. Staying in a relationship because you’re scared to be alone. Or maybe you’re scared that there’s no one else around or that you’ll have to deal with dating again. So you stay in your unhappy relationship in your 20s and pray that things will somehow get better as life goes on in your 30s and 40s and forever. That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard, but hey I’m single, what do I know, right?
4. Feeling the need to justify your choices. You don’t need to justify your choices or decisions to anyone. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. If you want to do something, do it. If you fail that’s great, at least you tried to go after something you want, unlike everyone else who is still sitting on their parents couch.
5. Looking for reassurance that you are enough. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. You don’t need to base your self-worth around someone else’s opinion of you because you are worth way more than that. You should be your own biggest fan. Take the time to love yourself and see your self-worth for yourself. You’re awesome. Feel it and love it and accept it. No one defines your self-worth except for you.
6. Allowing anyone tell you that you’re not capable because you’re young. You’re in your 20s, that is the perfect time to do anything you set your mind to! Don’t let anyone look down on you because of your age. Hell, my hometown has the youngest mayor ever in New York State; people doubted his ability to be Mayor because he’s only in his 20s, but he’s kicking ass. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not old enough to get shit done because you are, even in your 20s.
7. Still hanging out with toxic people. Cut the cord and let those people go already. Sometimes it can be challenging and difficult to walk away from those friendships, but it’s needed in order to allow yourself to grow.
8. Letting other people’s fear dictate your decisions. A lot of people will tell you that you can’t do something but most of the times it’s because they’re scared to do it. Most of the time people won’t take the jump to improve themselves because they’re afraid of failing and afraid of not having the safety net to catch them if they fall. Don’t let other people’s imposed fear on your life stop you from going after what you really want.
9. Talking about improving your life but never doing anything about it. Write a list, prioritize the shit you need to get done to reach your goals and set a deadline. Hold yourself accountable and if you’re incapable of holding yourself accountable then find someone in your life who will. Force yourself to do things in a certain amount of time or else you will never accomplish anything.
10. Never leaving your comfort zone. The comfort zone is the place dreams go to die because nothing great ever happens in there. Things are protected and safe, there’s no room for failure and growth and change. Leave your comfort zone, fail, live, learn, then pick yourself up and do it again until you stop failing and start becoming successful.
11. Keeping your life cluttered. All these ‘just incase’ reasons you tell yourself are bullshit. They’re a way for you to hold onto things you’ve got no business holding on to. When was the last time you wore those jeans? Freshman year of college? Donate them already. Stop hanging onto old possessions, ‘just incase.’ Keeping all this extra clutter will do nothing for you other than clutter your mind.
12. Doing things out of obligation. You aren’t obligating to do anything. Don’t say yes when you want more than anything to say no. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want just because someone is making you feel bad about not doing it. You don’t need to go hangout with friends you don’t like just because you haven’t seen them in a while. Set your lines and don’t let anyone force you to cross them. You’re in control of your life, no one else is.
13. Thinking you need to know everything right away. You don’t need to know everything, no one knows everything. I’m sure your own parents are still making mistakes and learning. No one is perfect so stop holding yourself to such high standards. Life will go on if you don’t find a way to make time travel possible in your first 6 months out of college. Work on discovering yourself a little bit then you can really use what you’ve learned about yourself to be the most effective at what you’re good at.
14. Thinking you need to be married in your 20s or your life is one giant failure. Newsflash: you won’t die alone if you’re not married in your 20s. I’m confident some people think their life will crash and burn if they aren’t married in their 20s, which is complete and utter bullshit. You don’t need to be married, or engaged, or own a home, or anything in order to be seen as “having it all together.” Give it a rest and just live.
15. Not taking time to heal. Like this is a big one, you don’t have to be fine all the time. Don’t just completely ignore your pain. Acknowledge it. You just got dumped? Take some time to feel sad and pain, your heartbreak is real, don’t ignore it because that will only cause more problems and pain in your future. It’s normal to feel sad and it’s good for growth. You don’t need to be happy all the time, it’s impossible. Acknowledge your sadness, just don’t let it consume you and live in it.
16. Judging the sh*t out of everyone. No one is perfect, no one. Stop being so critical of others. People will mess up, fail, cry, take ugly photos. It’s all part of life, it’s just how it is. No one is perfect so stop judging someone because they wore the same outfit out two times in one month. It isn’t the end of the world, I promise.
17. Deciding you’ll only do things when you have the money or lose the weight. That’s a terrible mindset. How often have you just not done something because you don’t think you can afford it but you somehow are able to afford a $4 coffee every day. It’s all about prioritizing and deciding what’s important. You shouldn’t do things when the conditions are ‘perfect’ because if you wait for the perfect conditions or the perfect amount of money in your bank account or the perfect weight on the scale then things will never happen. Just go, who cares if you’ve got a little extra roll in your dress.
18. Being afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is not a weakness, asking for help makes you smart. It can help you in so many ways. You can’t pour out of an empty cup so make sure you’re getting yourself the help you need in order to take care of yourself mentally.
19. Acting like you’re never wrong. Dude, being wrong is okay. It really is. Being wrong is a great way to learn for next time. You don’t want to be the smartest person in the room because then you don’t have anyone or anything to learn from. Keep an open mind and accept when you’re wrong so you can learn for next time.
20. Stop hanging out with people who aren’t going anywhere in life. Surround yourself with successful people, people who have their head on straight and people who are motivated as hell. Once you stop hanging out with people who will never amount to anything you will start thriving, it’s a harsh reality, but it’s the truth. You become who you hang out with. Have you ever heard the saying that the 5 people closest to you are a direct reflection of who you are? Make sure those people are ambitious and it’ll help you stay on track of your goals.